my brother the migragory goose and me, the hibernating seattlite with my hand on the snooze button

"i know i suck, i just can't hear it." my tone deaf brother said these words to me about his singing ability - or lack there of. he know's he's bad and in truth, he is aweful. he takes "bad" to new soaring heights. still, he can't hear what he knows to be true.

i laughed at my brother. it is a silly plight and something that doesn't matter all that much. but, i laughed so lightly in part because we are now members of different worshipping communities. i no longer have to attempt to sing a chorus or hymn while standing next to him. God love the boy, no matter how bad he is, he always belts out some off key (and off melody and off rhythm) tune. i can hear it and hear, in his heart, that "sweet sweet sound" he squawks his request for God to hear. however, the pain comes in my inability to sing. standing next to jake, suddenly, he is so aweful that i have a difficult time trying to stay of key (or rhythm, or melody - or even harmony for that matter). i can laugh lightly with him now, but a few years ago, i would have said, "yep. yep, you really can't hear yourself." and would have ground my teeth thinking, "so maybe you should just sing a quieter so no one else has to hear you either!"

but now, i laugh.

this seems to speak to community. when a member of a community cannot hold a tune - it is not the single member who sings off key - it is everyone. so then, what do we do with our ears that hear what our community members cannot? do we wish they would stop, or do we play the role of a gentle tuning fork?

further, the truth is that none of us have perfect pitch. we're all belting out off-key tones saying, "i think it's this." together we sound like a flock of migratory geese heralding the morning before it's actually arrived. we are annoying. we are painful to hear. others deeply desire to end our misery...but, in truth, it's not misery. we herald the breaking dawn - whether it's broken or not - it will come. whether we are on key or have any rhythm at all, the world looks and listens. people roll over in bed and prepare for the first of many snooze-button taps before they are finally roused.

in short, though my brother sounds like a dying goose and though christian community is annoying and appears crazy to the world around us, we both worship and praise the coming dawn of a world where our squawking becomes melodious and where the bright light of the broken dawn thaws the harsh, frozen, barren, wintery world.

sing on jake - and pardon me if i keep hitting the snooze button. i'll sing with you again some great day! then we will hurt the ears of th world as we joyfully struggle toward the right key.

merry tristmas to all

i think that evangelicalism might just be palitable if it didn't enlist us in such a strict world of us versus them. it's tempting to say that fundamentalism's downfall is it's legalistic moralism - something to be confronted for sure - but legalistic moralism often looks at life and sees that we are all in danger of falling into some irreversible sin. legalistic moralism sees the danger for all people. it's not about categorizing and labeling so that "we" are safe here and "they" are across some line of judgment.

i remember a christmas story i was told at sunday school:

there once was a rich man named tristian. tristian decided that every year on his birthday, he'd invite a new person to share in his wealth. each year, he did just that. and each year, he invited everyone who had come before as they celebrated a day that became known as "tristmas." everyone who had been invited to this great celebration was called a "tristian" and all tristians were invited every year.

after time, the population became jealous and began celebrating the day themselves. the malls became crowded with people buying gifts - people who had never even met Tristian.

one day, a tristian stopped a woman at the mall, who he did not recognize as a fellow tristian. he said to the woman, "why are you celebrating tristmas if you are not a tristian?"

that's where the story ended.

the man was a hero. the woman was a fool. the alegory was violently obvious, as we were the lucky tristians. the rest of the world was just jealous because they had not been invited.

really? is this really what was born 2000 years ago in a stable? is this the great hope of the world? is this the legacy of the jesus who wept over the world? maybe the story should continue:

just then, Tristian himself walked by. with unparalleled love, he looked deep into the eyes of the shamed woman and said to her, "merry Tristmas friend." he then looked at the puffed up tristian and said, "look, the world has seen and recieved my love and generosity without even meeting me - yet you claim my name, you dine with me every year, you have been lavished upon - and you have not love for others?" as Tristian looked at the man, he didn't judge him - he was only sad. he knew, his loving, generous experiment was not working.

that year, at the Tristmas feast, he announced: "you are all Tristians. you have all been generously blessed. i love each of you - but the love and generosity i have given you here in this room is a pale shadow to what i wish for you, and for all the people of the world.

"look at the world around you. they are celebrating Tristmas. they are giving and recieving. they are feasting together. they are finding hope and joy in this day - even if they have not ever met me, seen my wealth, or felt the hospitible welcome of my mansion.

"for a time - for some unsaid number of years - we will no longer meet here every year. i want for all of you to join your fellow-humanity in the generosity and blessing of the day. join them and further invite them into this generosity. see them all as tristians, touched by my generosity and giving in response. love them and learn from them as you also are loved and taught by them.

"in time, you will all recieve your invitations back to my mansion and we - as well as all those you have dined with and all those who know my generosity - will join together to feast at Tristmas."

a confused woman said, "but, if we treat everyone who celebrates your generosity as a Tristian, we won't be special anymore. everyone will become a tristian. this is our special day in the year - can't we keep it set apart from the rest of the world?"

a man spoke up as well, "your mansion, big as it is, cannot fit that many. it's not meant for everyone, only a select few!"

Tristian stood tall, compassionate, yet firm as his voice strongly rebuked the prideful two. first he spoke to the woman: "sister, this day is indeed special. it is like no other. does it not become all the more special when even those who have not met me feel some seed of incontainable generosity in their hearts? are such people not worthy to be one of us?"

Tristian then spoke to the man, "brother, how little you know my mansion after all these years. have you explored its every room, every garden, every table? there is ceaseless room in my mansion. it may look limited, but when love and charity knock, the walls ever expand - extending hospitality to each one that seeks to join the feast.

"brothers and sisters," he continued, opening his large, loving arms to all his festivly gathered friends, "as i said before, beautiful as this yearly feast here in my home is, it is a pale shadow of all that i wish. i wish for the you to all give and recieve as freely as i have with you. moreover, i wish for the whole world to give and recieve in that way, and for you, as my friends and ambassadors, to invite the world into this way of giving on this joyous day.

"now raise your glasses with me and let us drink, sweet friends, to the tristmas feast - here in this room, next door, in the homeless shelter, in the widow's lonely studio apartment and in every space that it is celebrated."

like in the story of the grinch, seeing their mentor's love to liberally spread throughout the room and even beyond it's boundaries, the closed-hearted tristians' hearts all grew three sizes, bursting with new generosity. finally seeing what Tristmas really was, they all heartily raised their glasses and exclaimed, "TO TRISTMAS!"

art show

brief update:
The art show opening was well attended. the poetry and music were beautiful. too many people thought that asking for admission was asking too much - those people kind of made me mad...but, such is american privialged life. we made about $1,000 for invisible children.

2 of jen's photos sold
2 or bryan's sold
1 of tucker's pieces - the one he made specially for the show sold

a number of other pieces are being mulled over and will probably sell at some point during the 3 month stay.

random people from mountlake terrace and from the conservative church where the show is taking place keep happening in for a peak and come away with a new experience of art and a knew knowledge about the world...a very encouraging result!

we're planning to have another show like saturday's, with poetry and music, near valentine's day.

don't forget that our special closing event will be hosted by invisible children and will take place on march 10th.

the down side of things:
spending a day in the church that i used to intern at - the place that was my spiritual home - the place i pined after when i moved away - rotted my stomach. that church lives staunchly in the us/them world. many many times in the last week i fought back tears in the face of such close minded lack of compassion.

how do i have compassion for them?
how do i not end up in a different us/them world?
how do i walk with them toward compassion?
what does it look like to be curious about their lack of curiosity?
am i ready to walk back into this world that hurt me so much, or is this a premature stent?

i am beginning my month vacation with a ton of inner questioning and uncertainty.

SIDS, judgement, and a bad day

Tears that fall like winter rain in Seattle
Slow
Bitter
Constant –
Making you turn frigid and brittle in their soul-draining shadow
Of grey clouds and impenetrable blankets
Smothering a small child who just wishes she could breath
But has not the power to free herself
She slowly suffocates and is claimed by SIDS –
Like too many infants who
May have shined one day – who
May have danced – who
May have changed the world and made it into something



Bright.

Such tears are void to hope
To stretch
To create a world – In which
You and I sit together - In which
You and I share a meal – In which
I could dare to bring myself
To you
In which you might strain to truly see me

You report her sinful world
You report your anger
You report her – beautiful her –
Broken honesty as
Sin
Full

It is indeed dark and no child can breathe
Beneath the shadow of your heavy world
Beneath your misplaced anger
Beneath your – stifling your –
Broken hiding as
Sin
Less

art show

Remember to come to the art show!!!!!

also, here's a treat:

more on manger art

thanks to generous artists such as phil nellis, tucker fitzgerald, jen grabarczyk, jessi knippel, scott erickson, john powless, byran nixon and a host of others who are either not confirmed or not my particular contacts, this year's art show should be really amazing!!! i am truly blown away by the artwork we've gotten in the last few days.

i strongly encourage you all to attend the opening and bring your check book and Christmas buying list! invite friends ! it is looking to be a great event!

Praise the miraculous God of recolcilliation!

The controversial mars hill protest has been called off. for the most happy of reasons: reconcilliation!

Mark Driscoll and several local pastors met and had an open, honest dialogue. Apparently, Mark even humbly listened and recieved from female pastors!

Anyway, here's two links: mark's blog, and paul's post. Read these and join me in utter amazement, worship, and awe of our reconciling God!

Note: Mark's change in language does not change my fear of his leadership in Seattle. It was not the diminuitive words he used that caused friends at SPU to consider dropping out because they were "wasting [their] future husband's money" when they weren't even yet acquainted with whoever this future husband might be. It was not Mark's strong language alone that cause a close friend of mine to leave Mars Hill with a fear and hesitancy towad church. It was not the words he chooses that made this same friend stunned when, for the first time in two years of attendence, she heard a sermon about grace and realized that she hadn't for years.

Mark's theology is still dangerous to women and in general - so long as women are not given space and encouragement to explore fully, and to appreciate as beautiful, who God has made them to be and until grace is the heart of every sermon and the hinge of Mars Hill's existence, I will continue in fervent prayer for Mark's heart and theology to be changed or for his platform here in Seattle to be removed entirely.

announcing manger art '06

Host:	Work of Art Ministries: Changing the world can only be a Work of Art
Location:	The Levi Room (Next to Post Office) 23302 56TH Ave W, Mountlake Ter, WA View Map
When:	Saturday, December 16, 6:00pm
Phone:	(206) 359-5723
Remember the story of kings following a single star to find a new king? Remember the extravagent gifts they brought? Remember what they hoped for in that king, in that baby named Jesus? It is again the time of year when we contemplate their trek, when we wonder what this king meant, who he was, what hope he represents. It is the time of the year that we sit by a warm fire and sing "Jesus Christ is born today!" But, what does it mean to say or sing, "Jesus Christ is born today"? It is a celebratory, hopeful thing to say or sing. Whether you believe Jesus to be God, the Savior of the world, a prophet, or a character who believed in love, healing the sick, feeding the poor, and longing, dreaming for a new world, to say "Jesus Christ is born today" means something more than Christmas trees, nativity sets, Santa Claus and cookies. Work of Art Ministries, in line with the full meaning of this phrase, invites you to celebrate the season with hope, and work towards a different world of health and peace! Manger Art is an annual Art Show to benefit the two-thirds world. This year the exhibit will be up and for sale for three months (December 16-March 10). We will be opening the exhibit with a gala event including live music from Deb Montgomery and Hollis Brown as well as live poetry including one of Seattle's top slam poets, Ryler Dustin and others from Bellingham's Lobster Manor Poetry Night. The suggested $6 donation, as well as all proceeds of items sold will go to benefit Invisible Children. There will be paintings, photography, mixed media, and quality artwork gifts (perfect for Christmas gifts!) to view, contemplate, and hopefully pruchase! We hope that you will join us for this chance to celebrate Christmas, the world, and the hope for peace, health, and happieness across the world that the baby Jesus came to transform and save!