preparing for re-entry

i'm packing up and preparing to leave the bazaro universe known as disney world. no more haunting christmas music at every turn. no more cheesey and offensive approximation of diverse nations within mere footsteps. no more cartoon characters walking up to me and expecting that i will go crazy because they are waving a big, white foam hand in the air....and, no more enormous seas of people! yeah!

other things i'm leaving: spending 100% of my time with my parents and commercialism gone crazy, my dad (i know i already mentioned parents, but i think my dad deserved a second metion)

thing's i'm sad that i'm leaving: surprisingly good (though grossely over-priced) international wine, the span of a nation between me and my chuch/job, having my brother as a permabuffer between my parents and i.

the good news is, though, that in 12 hours, i'll be able to attempt some sort of real life again, without running to sacrasm and false laughter for defense at every turn.

my friends in seattle should know that the literal sea of people here has driven me to this decision: locking myself in my room for the majority of next week.

saturday i have a lock-in at church.
monday i'll be at greenlake - as always
tuesday and thursday i have youth group.
somewhere in there, i'm going to chill with jen.
other than this, i'm in my room and away from people - just a little detoxification time!

duet with jesse katsopolis

tonight, i sang with uncle jesse.

that's right, john stamos, formerly - and forever - uncle jesse from full house, and i had a sing along...with about a thousand other people....and only for one song in the middle of a choir concert he was narrating.

oh yes, the cheese is beyond mesaure here at disney world.

yesterday, we went to epcot. it was everything the simpsons spoofed and worse.

today we went to the animal kingdom. we saw numerous endangered species on a driven tour. the entire time, though, our "cast member/tour guide" (they call everyone who works here a "castmember") kept our minds on "big red" and "little red" - two fictional elephants who, in the end, are just like every other 1970's animatronic cheese-ball in disney world. depressing.

tomorrow - the magic kingdom.

the good/bad news: i've been in this non-sarcastic mood - trying to be present to the moment and not outside of it, judging it, and laughing rather than participating. in general, this is a good way to grow. the problem is that, at disney world, the moment is so ridiculously boring that being present to the moment means nap time. so.....i've reached new sarcastic heights and, paired with the biggest smart ass i know (my brother) i think tomorrow should be great fun!

i'll return to you with hokey photos and sincere posts once i return home and separate from my parents!

until then, dream sarcastic dreams for me!

free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, i'm free at at last!

over 100 pages - single spaced, but it's done and on a plane to Boston!

my final project from GCTS is finished and i am no longer a bi-coastal seminarian - just a mono-coastal one!


PRAISE GOD!
thank you friends for all your help and prayers!

look for a kick ass party in late january!

"You sit on a throne of lies."
-buddy the (not) elf

"liam neison is god"

-my intern neal

the day the lord has made

My mom and I can’t watch television together – least of all the news. She is drawn into the stories, makes dogmatic postulation and pronouncements of both judgment and affirmation. I laugh and constantly critique the information given and its validity. With local news, this is a laughable interaction. When we two step into the sacred world of Scriptures, on many levels these attitudes are troubling obstacles to relationship – both with each other and with the text. Put simply, this tectonic collide is a poster child for the meeting of modernity and post-modernity. If a mother and daughter who struggle so valiantly toward friendship abandon that sinking ship to the safety of separate shores and avoidance, where is unity? Beyond this uniquely unified relationship of mother and child, what hope is there for an already divided church? What does a church, who is one, do in the face of such a polarizing paradigmatic shift.

I am in the process of leaving an elderly church where I have been the youth minister for an agonizing year. In a conversation I recently had, I began to rage at the God who put me in this time – this desperate holding cell between modernity and post-modernity. Not only did we disagree, but our languages, though American English, were foreign. As in the wake of Babel, we were incapacitated to communicate. Like in Babel, our divergent generations seem hopelessly scattered. As these plates collide, the Himalayans are formed and old and young cry out on opposing sides – but with no language to be heard by each other.

Again, I wonder why I am here in this transition. Again, I wonder why I must inhabit the quick-sand between yesterday and tommorow? Then, again, is not the task of every servant, every generation, every morning which sun beakons, to live today - no matter how tattered the wake of yesterday and the pull of tomorrow may seem? Today may be a frustrating, paradoxical, and often strangling day to live - yet it is the day the Lord has made.

a broken heart for a broken world

i'm sitting in my office, sobbing uncontrollably.

today i recived my "one life revolution" resource packet. i watched some of the videos that come with it and my heart just broke.

where is God in a world where 20 million children are orphaned by aids?

where is God when a six year old contracts aids from caring for his dying mother's wounds?

how long have you been on the internet?
14 minutes? then one person has died of aids since you logged on.
28 minutes? less than a half an hour and two people are gone.

it's just too much.

how do you live in a world like this?
how do you worship God in this place?

job's life looks perfect in comparison.

what do we do?
how do i pay $13,000/year for school in the face of this?
how do i have netflix membership when that's nearly enough to care for an orphan?
how do i drive a car when one month's gas could send an orphan to school for a year?

more than one in three people in swaziland has aids.

how do you live?
how?

and in this, i want nothing to do with a God who allows such sorrow ---

------still, somewhere inside, i know that the ache i'm feeling right now is not mine, but Gods.

quotes and mullets: always beyond context

i went to everett yesterday - ooohhh the mulletude!

and....quotes out of context:

"Theraputic Llamas"

“Some of you eat, Some of you read theology. Again, how is that different than masturbation. Don’t fault me for occasionally pleasuring myself.”

“I think you find me attractive.”

“I’m not going to deny that I vomited 40 times.”

“I will eat you.”

Paraphrased: I hope the mariners beat the eagles tonight.

being kind to myself

here's my morning:

fear: shit. how did that happen? it's 10? at 3 i crawled into bed for a two-hour nap. shit. i'm so screwed!

resignation: there's no way i can get this project done.

frustration: [checking email] the church wants me do do what? before the 10th? do they even care that my final project is due then? why does no one there care about what they are doing to me?

fortitude: no, you know what, i am going to get this project done just so that i can get my masters and never end up at a church like that again.

resignation: who am i kidding. maybe if i hadn't gone to bed last night but...

epiphany: what if i weren't graduating? then i'd have an extra 8 days - 2 days after mhgs is finished.

budding hope: can i do that?

cynicism: probably not.

persistant hope: i should call them though.

[long confusing phone conversation of pulsating highs and lows as i eventually realized the girl i was talking to didn'y know what she was talking about and she finally knew too. finally, she asks someone else]

unbridaled enthusiasm: really!?! so all i do is fax you and tell you i'm not graduating in january and i get not 8 but 11 extra days! awesome.

cyncism bringing questions: one last question - i'm sorry - if i don't graduate in january, the only diffrence is that i don't get my diploma until may right?

unexpected glee: so i wouldn't get it until may again and since i'm not up for ordination or licensure, there absolutely no benefit to graduating now [brief moment of realizing how little my degree means - grieving that, but not caring since, no i get to sleep] awesome! thank you so much.

so, i'm not officially graduating in january.
seems a small thing...but if you know me, you know how driven i am.
so, i'm being kind and allowing myself to say, "who cares?"

scattered

"sounds like your life is pretty scattered," he kindly said - a wise understatement.

i am in constant motion passing from work to school to school work to my other school's work to a brief nap on annie's bedroom floor each night - only after forcing her to promise that she will make me get up at the end of my nap - to working on my arts organization. i want to scream most of the time, but don't simply for the lack of time.

again...prayers between now and 2006 are greatly appreciated.