a broken heart for a broken world

i'm sitting in my office, sobbing uncontrollably.

today i recived my "one life revolution" resource packet. i watched some of the videos that come with it and my heart just broke.

where is God in a world where 20 million children are orphaned by aids?

where is God when a six year old contracts aids from caring for his dying mother's wounds?

how long have you been on the internet?
14 minutes? then one person has died of aids since you logged on.
28 minutes? less than a half an hour and two people are gone.

it's just too much.

how do you live in a world like this?
how do you worship God in this place?

job's life looks perfect in comparison.

what do we do?
how do i pay $13,000/year for school in the face of this?
how do i have netflix membership when that's nearly enough to care for an orphan?
how do i drive a car when one month's gas could send an orphan to school for a year?

more than one in three people in swaziland has aids.

how do you live?
how?

and in this, i want nothing to do with a God who allows such sorrow ---

------still, somewhere inside, i know that the ache i'm feeling right now is not mine, but Gods.