peaceful retrospective

i can hear the gentle scraping away of excess foam as the world class musician/barista prepares to perfect foam art that will soon be hidden, desrtoyed beneath a lid.

the gently playing acoustic emo for the first time in months beats more than the passage of rushing time.

the tired face of the old woman braving a chilled breeze outside the window is suddenly present where nothing but my computer screen and persistant cell phone have been here with me.

i am sitting at lardos with a decaf medici and no rushing thoughts. i almost don't know what to do. so i sit and absorb. i people watch and slowly ponder the way i'd almost forgotten in the endless rollercoaster of summer responsibility, rush, restlessness and occasional resentment.

i just came home from my youth retreat. my summer is over and i could not be happier. while the youth moan that school is on the way, i breathe deep like i haven't since may 1st.

and now, as my capacity for thought returns to me, a retrospective is born.

this summer encapsulated two ill-thought missoin trips, endless comittee meetings, elders scratching out deep flesh wounds, created, raise, and destoyed dreams for children's ministry, seven credits of class, growth and withdrawl, encouragement and discouragement, stress, learning, drawing near to some, walking away from others, alienating in the name of self-preservation from time to time, righteous and not-so-righteous anger, vbs, youth vbs, a retreat, the cementing of two key friendships and missed growth in one, hopes of finally being in a good living situation replaced with a declined wedding invitation, nearly literally losing my mind to lack of sleep and weight of work, and always looking forward to this exact moment: the end of it all.

i would say that surviving this summer proves i have super-human strength..but, i think it proves that i have a super-human father/mother, friend, grace-giver, and savior, and that this divine other has amply supplied me with the super-human co-pilgrims to weather this summer.

so....


to james and brooke: thank you a million times in advance for creating space (literal and figurative) for me to recover from this tearing and tattering season - and for housing the constant light at the end of my rigorous summer.

to jeff: thanks for remaining my pastor even across a nation

to neal: thanks for walking with me in a maze of angry old people and lofty goals

to jen and caleb: you have become my family, thank you for suffering with me

to jaguar, though i know you cannot read: thank you for joy and "sunshine." i think i love you more than any other person.

to jeremiah: thanks for keeping dreams alive and reminding me that the world can change - and just as in high school, though we've both changed so much, this is our purpose

to crystal: wow. i don't think i ever would have dared to work at the church during the day if you weren't there. thanks for extending deadlines and bending over backwards to help me get things done...and those picture cds are still coming...i promise.

to hallack: thanks for dreams, hilarity, guidance, and for being so much more gentle, nurturing, encouraging, partnering, hopefully realistic...than i ever hoped a pastor could be

to heidi: thanks for picking up what i dropped along the way, for optimism, for support, and for always reminding me to pray

to debbie: thank you for a safe place to learn, grow, create, and struggle.

to bryan: thanks for wisdom, kind eyes, joining me in cussing about my church, and poop at greenlake.

to ratman and mrs. ratman (the elder who refers to the youth at church as rats and his wife who is pissed that she doesn't "see" the youth in service): may i return from vacation with enough rejuvination, grace, and love to more than endure your presence - to even see God in you?