out of context
“Heavy drinking sometimes helps.”
“I am not like the other faces in this bland, cow-like universe.”
“[My wife and son] were both unhappy which is really the point of living well.”
“I was paying $50 a day for the privilege of having my child abused by someone else.”
“I found myself feeling like a free bird, a fat free bird.”
“My son and my wife collapsed in each other’s arms absolutely delighting in the violence they had just seen.”
-Dan Allender, 10/17/2005
though, this time especially, it seems off to quote him out of context as i -- who haven't cried in front of people since the gcts mess clumped itself with my dad and a close friend told me i was "wallowing." -- i was crying in class.
he said something to the effect that if you've lost the ability to weep over your story, then you've lost the capacity for compassion. have i lost compassion? it used to define me...but maybe i have lost it.
the question, then, is am i willing to mourn if that is the cost of compassion...is that a price i'm too stingy to pay?
4 comments:
yes, but is anyone truly capable of dealing and moving on?
can you have any honest moment if you cannot endure the honest of your pain?
for me, not recieving the pain has made it scary to recieve love because it might lead to hope and hope is dangerous and cannot be trusted. so, eventually, recieving love is more dispised than even grieving, so i don't grieve in order to avoid love and thereby steer clear of hope.
beck i really appreciate your courageous honesty in this blog and the one before it. it shows you're not as hard as it seems, there are enough cracks in your face to let some tears come through. those are few, but should be all the evidence you need.
"you're worried there might not be
anything at all inside
but that you're worried
should tell you that's not right"
-ben folds, 'jane'
a - thanks dude
b - shit. when did i start coming across as a hard person.
the last hmmm...four years? of my life...maybe 5, i've let the cumulative shit of my life make me someone i don't even recognize.
"he said something to the effect that if you've lost the ability to weep over your story, then you've lost the capacity for compassion. have i lost compassion? it used to define me...but maybe i have lost it."
this was the possible 'hardness' i was referring to. ahhh, the ease of emotive electronic explaination
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