a cancerous body

with every passing day, i lose more hope for the church
do i lose hope for whose body she is?
with every passing day, i am bruised more deeply by the church
do i blame whose body she is?
with every passing day, i see her for more of a whore.
where is the fool whose bride she shall be?

with every passing day, she is more murderous.
with every passing day, she is treaterous
with every passing day, she further defaces me
until i am unrecognizeable

where is the face who held passion
where are the eyes in who's pupil was reflected a vision of hope
where are the cheeks that were rosey with the contentment of true love
where is the steady brow of faith
where has the voice of the prophet gone?

murdered. murdered. murdered. MURDERED!

"we have so long lived in the dark night of the soul that we know no light
if you bring it near us, we will kill you
in order to extinguish its faint but piercing glow"

and so today i declare my independence.
though i am you, you are nothing to me
and in that separation, i find an inch to breathe

may God raise me from the shallow grave you dug for me

may i, resurrected, one day have life enough to rejoin you
may i return to the body that has abused me
may i be rejoined to the dysfunctional family that has utterly destroyed me
may i find my face
may i find courage to live

another day

hoping

in

for

with

the cancerous body of Christ.