home - where the heart is

this morning, i forgot you.

i walked with a friend - a cherished sister. i was on top of the world. my neighborhood was heaven. my life was the kingdom. the coffee tasted of eternity. our conversation turned to encounter. i laughed. i enjoyed. my heart was home - and i knew, at 24, i am lucky to know so well my home.

i sang her a sad song, knowing she's leaving. the sorrow of her leaving could not touch the beauty of her face as she wept over the song. i was home - and i knew, at 24, i am rich to know such a full home.

i left that world to meet a kingdom seeker. we left our tasks to be raptured in eternity in the dark wall of a practicum room. my passion danced with hers. i was home - and i knew, at 24, i am blessed to know such a peopled home.

from there i met my friend and her gorgeous children. they danced and sang with me. they ran to me and laughed with glee. i was home - and i knew, at 24, i am loved to know such a gleeful home.

this evening, i remembered you.
i felt trapped.
i felt shame.
i felt unable to remember my beauty.
i felt my joy swallowed by your pain.
i was frustrated.
i was angry.
i was sad and depressed.
i was not home -

and i wondered, at 24, will i ever know home?

tonight i remembered you - in your place.
i laughed.
i encountered beauty.
i joked.
i cried.
i dreamed.
i was home -
and i knew, at 24, i am wise to know such a paradoxical home.