waiting for a miracle

i have a quick mind. i think a lot. my brother has, for at least a decade, been telling me to be like him and think less. there is little i don't think about. there is little i don't think to death. for me to spend months and months not thinking about something is an unparralleled accomplishment.

that accomplishment can be broken down like a great dam...
the slightest hole and it is either immediately patched or else the flood ensues.

i have a cynical heart. i doubt a lot. for at least a decade, i have been hardening my heart to the light of hope. there is little i'm not cynical about. there is little i don't eventually despair about. for me to risk hope after devastation is an unparralleled accomplishment.

that accomplishment can grow like a mustard seed...
the slightest soil and scantest water and sprinkling of sun and a great tree emerges.

what would happen if the flood collided with the tree?
nurture?
more life?
would it be knocked by the intensity?
would the beauty of the seedling tree be lost in the waves?

or, could a miracle be born?

so, do i patch the hole and remove the seed?
do i patch the hole and leave the seed?
or do i wait for a miracle?