lost

every once in a while, i get a glimpse of who i really am and am completely derailed.

this happened this weekend. at the end of a leadership training thing at school, i was struck with this question:
why am i in youth ministry (in a established church setting)?

it just isn't my passion anymore. i'm not sure if it ever was. i think i was trying to do what i am supposed to do and then i was locked into the fieldd my years of education and internship. my drive to achieve and accomplish took over and i ended up in a space where i cannot be anyting but tired, uninspired, and burnt-out.

so, what do i do?

if you know me well enough, you know my dreams and thoughts are scattered and ever changing.

here's some of the things i'm thinking about. please offer insight!!!

* starting a house church
* developing work of art ministries
* developing curriculum for missional communities/maybe eventually doing retreats or something
* creating opportunities for youth to interact with and serve diverse populations
* college ministry
* eventually, i think i want to be a professor
* maybe open a cafe/book store that creates space for christians to emerge from the ghetto and that is invitational for diverse interaction.

for the first time, i'm willing to admit that i'm lost and don't have a clue what comes next.
my cry to God and to God's many incarnations in my community is: help!