crafting transformational moments and transforming fear

Did I hyperventalate? Not quite - but almost.

For months (okay, a month and a half), I've been dreading the arrival of a class: crafting transformational moments. When I read the title, excitement filled my naive mind. To top it off, the professor is from - or spent time in - IRELAND! I was nearly beyond my capacity for excitement.

Then, one deflating night, I talked with my dear friend Emily about the upcoming semester. I asked her what courses she was taking, "Crafting something or something like that - but it's really preaching."

"Shit." I said in my now anything but excited mind. It was not a "shit" of resignation, ambivilance, defeat etc. It was a deeply birthed cry of pain. Fear replaced my excitement and overcame my capacity even for fear. My mind and pulse raced as I attempted to make some peace with the fact that I would be in a preaching course. I never achieved that goal - at best, I achieved moments of denial and purposeful forgetfulness.

So, finally, today I went to class - with dread in hand and soul.

Several times, I breathed deep, and fearful sighs, but, over all was amazed at the gentle man who filled the threatening role of homeletics professor. In the midst of my phobia, I felt cared for. I sensed his desire to lead us as a group as we struggle to find voice for proclaimation in a post-Christian world.

Still I'm scared. Still I might hyperventalate - that may remain a possibility every Thursday throughout the semester. But, Hadden Robinson is miles away - along with his cold and frieghening critique. In his stead sits someone who is honest about struggle, gentle with fear, encouraging, collaborative, and so many other things I never dreamed a preaching prof to be.

Again, I am taken by the extravagent blessing of being a student at MHGS.