notes from class last night

as i sat in class recieving this message (at the end of the post), i tried not to cry because a) i like to pretend i'm tough and b) a friend had told me earlier that she doesn't handle others crying in her presence well...she's a counseling student. she'll get over it. but, i didn't feel the need to make her get over it last night.

then, after class, a man asked me - and i think meant it:
so, how are you

eh.

-long pause waiting for elaboration-

yeah. eh. eh sums it up pretty well.

-more long pause as i begin to understand that he might seriously want the real answer-

basically, i'm sort of a prohet type - always reaching for things to be better - redeemed. i'm tired and broken. i don't want to dream anymore.

i simply don't have the energy for hope but have ample cynicism to avoid faith and even the thought of loving and being loved makes me feel so lonely i don't even know how to anticipate the next breath and the moment it ushers in.

couldn't i have a day off? couldn't i have a gentle walk in a sunny park

he interrupted - a nice flower to brighten the dark night

yeah!

silence with twinges of awkward sauce.

-insert the difference between gcts and mhgs. he neither squirmed nor moaned or sighed in falsified sympathy.

yeah...i'm glad i have my flower

- he pointed as his pregnant wife came.

i have my wife and soon i'll have a baby!

the conversation continued but it was over at that point.

i was ecstatic for him, but broken even more than when he gently, kindly walked my way and offered to encounter my dispairing face.

here's the notes on faith, hope, and love that make me too tired for any of the words tattooed on my left shoulder blade:
What is faith:
A series of convictions of beliefs, which you claim to be true and if you believe them, you have faith. If you do not believe them, you do not have faith.

Faith is soooo much more than this.

There are many people who hold to the core set of beliefs but abuse others – these are not men and women of faith

Faith is confidence in the powerful presence of a God who redeems.
The odd component of faith is that the more confidence you have, the more you will doubt.
For most, faith and doubt are antonyms.
If you believe so much that you don’t have doubt, you do not have faith; you have dogmatic belief.
Nothing is more lethal to faith than dogmatism.

You enter faith through memory.
Faith has content.
Faith does have proposition.
But, one comes to faith as one enters into story.
You don’t remember facts. You remember stories.

The dilemma is that we have more stories that do not have endings.
We have more jagged stories than we have that we can hold with confidence.

We are all in story wars.

There are few stories where the presence of God is the most true thing of the story.

Faith is remembrance of redemptive acts of God where he moves to redeems his people

Can we ask in our unresolved stories, “Is God good?”

Faith creates foundation.
Faith creates identity.
Faith creates a foundation to stand on that is an anchor to your story.


My story opens the door to consider God’s story.

No one has a right to their own story because your story is written by God and it is his story.

What is hope:
The confidence that a certain ending is certain and so you can live with certainty.
It is positive. “Are you a hopeful person?” “Yeah, I’m pretty positive.”

Hope is faith for the future.

You cannot change the facts of the past, you can change the meaning of your past.

You meant it for evil. God meant it for good.

Hope is faith that tomorrow, redemption may show.

What is hope? As he has shown himself before, he will show himself again.

Hope opens the door to dreaming. You become what you are dreaming.

Always ask yourself, what I dream for – what is the dream about?
Whatever you dream, what the dream is about is probably good.

Chesterton, “Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.”

Every desire reflects something about God.

We invite people to dream about reconciliation.
About what it will be like for the lion to lay down with the lamb.
About what it will be like when power is no longer abused to hurt.

Faith without hope will bind you to your comfort.

Hope births holy discontent.

Hope gets you in trouble. The more hope you have the more you live on the edge of doubt.

Do you want hope?

What is love:
Getting along – being nice

Giving and receiving pleasure for the glory of God
Having a heart to give to another what will please them – bring them light and joy
The dilemma for most is that they are good givers.
You cannot love others unless you can receive from them the glory of what they have for you.
To the degree you cannot receive, you cannot let others love.

When you live by faith, hope, and love, you become alive.
You laugh more than you have ever laughed and weep more than you have ever wept.

As faith, hope, and love ground you, they give you a reason to live.

They dissipate those things which should not have a hold on your life.
“I know no other good but you.”

To be a person of faith, hope, and love, it leads to life – to passion.
It also leads to an end of those attachments that have no right to hold you.
This is freedom.

With faith, hope, and love, I have reason – the result of my life will bring difference. My life matters eternally.
There are people on earth that will never be the same because of my engagement in their lives.

The blessing to be invited into another person’s story.

Three words:
FREEDOM, LIFE, PURPOSE

Faith has been bitten hard by betrayal.
Facing betrayal opens the door to grappling where you have been orphaned by God
The odd root to faith is entering into the types of betrayal that have brought you to doubt

You will only enter into hope by entering to powerlessness
It is where you have felt powerlessness that you have felt hopelessness
It is where you have felt powerlessness that you have felt estranged
The art you create out of a desire to fit is not art
A true artist tells what others don’t.
When you refuse to fit – when you agree to be an alien.
When you are an alien, you can dream of redemption – call people back to it

Invitation to be a widow – someone who has lost intimacy.

When you enter the door to tragedy and heart ache, you enter into faith, hope, and love.

Your life is meant to portray God and betray evil.


We are priests – storytellers
We are prophets – trouble-makers, arousing change, truth tellers
We are kings – ones who leads and engages others in the battle for love

Who are you and how are you written to reveal the glory of God?