holy transference batman!

finally, we had our break. after an hour and a half lecture on covenental theology, which dr. neihaus had already pounded into my head years ago, i got a break. i went to the office to attempt to find out about why my scholarship has not gone through yet (a month into the semester). Molly (the secretary) said, matter of factly, when you have a minute, i need to talk with you. hmm...felt a bit like that fateful day at gcts. i thought calm thoughts and lowered my blood pressure with ignorance.

as i walked back to chat with her, she said, just wait there. we'll talk in dan's (the school's president's) office. ok. now it was unavoidable. i felt all the intensity of that day at gcts when i was accused of many ridiculous things and treated with disdain and eyes unwilling to truly see me. i was scared to death. i began to prepare my heart for some great slap across the face anxoisly asked, "is something wrong?" she said no, but , in honesty, i didn't believer her.

i sat down.
she sat down.
i was filled with fear.

i heard her say, "i'm concerned...i talked with paul (the chaplain)..we want to."
in my transference, all i could pick up was those words. so i filled them with what is familiar: i am concerned about your conduct as a student of our school. i talked with paul about what course of action is wise. we want to ask you to either leave the school or seek counseling regarding your conduct."

i began to fall apart before my mind stopped me and revealed the rest of Molly's words: I'm concerned about your ankle. I talked with Paul about it, and we want to make sure that you get to a doctor, so we are willing to pay for a doctor's visit up to $100-200."

i simply don't know what to do with this brilliant disappointment of my expectations.