wounded (healer)

last night, i really thought i was all that. mike and i moved a chest that my dad and brother could not move. i thought, "maybe i'm not weak." so then, we were moving things into the new house. i was sooo going to show everyone how strong i was.

then, carrying my roommate's desk, i fell off of the back of mike's truck and badly twisted my ankle. it was sprained. i sat and cussed and lamented for a while. what was about to ensue:

mike would carry me into the house
i wouldn't be able to walk
someone would bring me ice
i would be absoluetely dependant
and, the worst of all, i would not be able to wear cool shoes for possibly a month

apart from the last one, the things i was lamenting were all about people caring for me. so, i decided that there was not much i could do, so i let go and let it all happen. even amidst the pain, i was happy - enjoying the care of those i often work to care for and refuse care from.

there was one moment, when the pain was so much that, though emily was trying to distract me with her amazing sense of humor, i could not hear a word she was saying. i could not see her past my pain. this reminded me of a friend who usually sees and cares well for others. lately, she has not done this. she is in pain. her pain is so much that she cannot often see well.

as i thought of her, i began to wonder about the wounded healer. healers will always be wounded, but are there times when the wounded cannot be healers, when there is grace for their aching eyes that cannot see, when i can speak to my friend, "it is okay that you do not see past your pain. you will come through it. in this moment, it is all you can see. please rest in that. rest, my wounded friend and past and future healer."