Impressing No One

Who are we trying to impress? Who are we running for? Is God the evil scientist who places us in a rat race and watches us run around after some cheese that is, after all, just on the otherside of a piece of wood in God's maniacal maze?

Of course we know this is untrue. Of course we know God is love, God is personal, God ultimately sacrificed God's self for us - not so that we could be rats, but so that we could be more human - restored to God's image.

So, we are back to the question, who are we trying to impress - and what are we running for?

For the last two semesters, I worked full time at church and took a full load at school. Last semester, I even took my final class for GCTS. This semester, the work-aholism bug seems to have nuzzeled its way under a dear friend's skin and left her running from one job to the next. The only day she has off, she spends eight hours in class. Who are we trying to impress?

I am now only working 20 hours a week, but last week I worked something more like 60. This week I'll be at at least 30. Plus eleven credits. Who am I trying to impress?

Last night, I realized that I had been assigned 10 papers and probably close to 400 pages of reading due tomorrow. The syllabus arrived in my in-box on the 25th. A week and two days. There's just no possible way that can be done. So, I make plans not to sleep and break all my other engagements.

Then, it hits me: am I still a human being? Is my friend still a human being?

Somewhere, burried beneath the yoke we've opressingly put upon ourselves, we are still human. We are still creative, playful, tender, relational, and restful. We still possess the ability to enjoy something other than a late night television show before we rush to bed and start the rat race again.

So, last night, the human being deep inside me refused the old yoke. She stopped running the maze in search of not-even-God know's what. She stopped, and looked up at whom she had mistaken for an evil scientist and said, "I want to love you more than I want to do all this. I'm tired - bring me Sabbath!"

So, this morning I woke up, diligently and carefully chose an outfit for the day, enjoyed breakfast, refused to wear my painful high heels, and am now ready to go do the unthinkable: drop a class.

Today I will enjoy being human. I will savor minutes without fearing their end.

Today if you ask, "Who are you trying to impress?" My answer will be "No one. I'm just spending this day with God."