blessed

okay, maybe i did have time for one more thought.

i am sitting lazily at ladros doing the same exact thing i've done for the past 8 years of my life - reading over some cold coffee i've taken too long to drink.

a year and a couple months ago, i was doing the same thing - but in boston - in starbucks - pounding my pencil deeper and deeper into the page betraying pacifism to the fantacy that maybe my page could be the author's jugular and i could end the closed minded, old-day pining, blind to post-modern beauty spewings of a staunch reformed tradition.

six months ago - no, less - i was sitting in seattle at a ladro's steaming over how petty if not idiotic my professors taped words were. i saw gcts graduates as being aptly prepared for ministry 50 years ago. my thought was "gcts graduates are like milk put on the shelf past its expiration date. it is not sweet to taste. it is not nurishing. it is not useful."

now, i am tired and forgetting to count my blessings as i gently read one of the first theology text books that has not upset me. i am highlighting and pondering rather tha fuming and pounding. pacifism is not a test.

no matter how busy, over-worked, perplexed about the church, hurt by reluctant pilgrims etc. i am, i know i am blessed. my life has taken many pleasant meanders and directional shifts. i feel home. i feel loved. i feel shined upon. i feel useful. i feel blessed.